My therapist and I are currently searching for good recovery books to read and discuss. I just finished "Life Without Ed" (which was very managable and had some useful suggestions for activities). Any recommendations? I'm currently reading "Wherever You Go, There You Are". I'd love to hear what everyone else has found to be meaningful!
Leisel

How many times must we feed the Soul?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,- I give you your well deserved fix
1, 2,3,4,5- It seems nothing but a harmless dive
1,2,3,4- I disrespect you more and more
1,2,3- I feel as if I'm hardly me
1, 2-I've given into You
1- Health is done

I want to give you every ounce of your worth. I want to give it to you, allow you to keep it, and most of all, learn to value it. For you are worth it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,...these are the number of times in which you feed, but the value goes far beyond these hours of the day.

Everyday Circus

Caged in like a circus animal
My mind and body roar
Scratching, fighting, bleeding
To be let free

Free of this disease
This paradoxical nature
In which one hates another
To please the other

Becoming Present

Step by step. Thought. Why is it that they never cease? Never ending. The future, the past... never the now. Count your breaths, watch your steps, listen to the surrounding sounds. Thought. Why must you keep interrupting my peace of mind? Judgment upon the thoughts, not consciously, only out of habit. Lawnmowers, cars. Which side of the street should I take? Does it matter? Be present. Come back to now. One, two, three, four, fuck, I’m no good at this. What defines good from bad anyway? If Buddha had any inclination of intelligence, I can be present and good isn’t an opposite of bad, more of a mesh. It is what it is. Or is it perhaps what its not? If I’m analyzing it so closely, there’s a slight chance that my feelings are correct. Being indifferent to the present is so much easier than fighting my departing thoughts. It’s a mere choice of minute-by-minute intellect. Sure, I punish myself. Which way should I go now? I assumed I didn’t know the way. Too bad there isn’t an invisible yet handy off switch to these chaotic distortions of myself. Connect. That’s what I need to do, just connect. What would walking on the other side of the road feel like? I’m too close. Closter phobia is kicking me in the ass, over and over and over. At last, my destination. Calmer? Check. More relaxed? Check. Just as she said I would be. Maybe my thoughts can comprehend the twisted intentions of my wise mind after all.

Impossible

The moonlight is lost
behind the fog
and weightless clouds,
almost like my soul
as it gets mixed with emotions
and becomes a whirl
pool of anxiety and hatred
for the world
and the people around me.
Why must karma always strike in the wrong way
for the right reasons?
I understand
because I'm the creator,
the spinner of the wheel.
I need the courage
to turn it around
and blow wind
in the opposite direction.
I need the love
to build upon the heart,
the heart of all beings.
For without us,
it is nothing.
Imagine nothing existing,
as it can't.
You're so small.
What would be if there were no you and I?
What would become
of this sacred ground
we've named home?
Searching for the impossible
is inevitably,impossible.

Hands

Silence,
sweet chatter,
soft spoken vacation as I lay on my back,
receiving energy through my palms.
Don't close your hand.
Be open
to what the universe has to offer.
Take it in,
nourish it,
swallow it whole.
What is a feeling?
A touch? A sense?
Something unseen,
yet easily distinguishable.
Define that.
Is it the reactionto some circumstance
or relationship,
or situation,
or is it some connection
that a higher power has enabled?
Given us the pleasure of 'feeling'?
Just react.
Show the emotion?
I don't think so.
I remain strong & independent,
even with a gun of guilt
held to my head.
Help isn't accepted.
Always on my own.
Yet, knowing it's my choice
is a loud alarm.
I guess help is essential
in times like these.
I beg to learn to beg,
to ask for what I need,
to learn to love receiving
just as much as I love giving.
Grow me strong,
make my soul alligate.
But please,
hold my hand along the way.

Unipower

Vastly growing grass,
intimidation standing tall,
agression uncertain
and unaware of your identity.
Submerge your energy
to the mother of the universe
and witness the magic of change.
Brown, black, white,
speckles of inevitable heredity.
As each houve taps the soft soil,
the earthquake is felt
from a million miles away.
Only on Mars are you exempt
from the power of soul-to-soul,
soul-to-soil, and unique intellect.
You may push and pull
but the masculine stance remains strong.
Twitching or ignoring me?
How I wish I could make them disappear.
The Earth gains power in feeding from the ground.
Beautiful

Hope

Indestructible,
yet unforgivable.
Ambivalent,
yes, that's my feeling.
A strong cold stabstraight into the heart.
Dreary of the concept
that no matter whatlife will go on.
I'll break down,
but I'll also break through,
straight to the other side.
The side with green pastures
and the sun shining bright.
I won't cry,
I'll smile in my own shadow
as I realize,
things aren't really all that bad.
Seemingly seemless.
Doesn't sound right,
but means so much
coming straight from the heart.

Michelle S' Quincieara

Enjoy this beautiful song Michelle shared with us for her Quincieara graduation. I apologize- the batteries ran out in the middle- but you will still get chill bumps. Used by permission.