Inspiration

Sarah's poetry inspired me to share a piece of my Tapestry experience. This was composed for a workshop with Thalia. Though gone from Tapestry, I feel it is still as pertinent today in my present state of affairs (a young woman seeking).

Who Am I?

I am the rational mind. I am disciplined. I am molded and shaped by my evolving definition of the ideal. I am whoever I choose to be.

I am also who I am not. I am not dissuaded. I am not content to accept the status quo. I am not accepting.

I am a single-minded person in a multi-faceted world. I am spiritual when it suits me. I am critical, but carry my glass half-full. I am tired of filling the silence.

I am battling myself to rescue myself. I am looking within myself to develop that which reflects outward. I am leaving myself and coming into my own.

I am seeking the Spirit. I am coming out of hiding. I am becoming.

Leisel

Shalom/Namaste/Peace from Sara

new poems posted on

http://theva-j-jmonoblog.blogspot.com/

Learning to be my own Best Friend

Transitions have always been difficult for me. Coming to Tapestry was an incredibly hard transition, but I never would have guessed leaving would be twice as difficult. I am in the process of finding my own strength, rather than relying only on my crutch of amazing support from fellow clients. But I cannot deny the feeling of loss. For the first time in my life, I met a group of women whom I truly loved and trusted. I don't think it was merely the fact that we all shared a common connection; I believe there could not have been a better setting, a better group, or a better time. The things that differentiated us added to each individual's recovery. I know this to be true. Apart from the gift of a second chance of living a fulfilling life, I was given the glimpse at what true friendship looks like. My heart hurts because I fear I won't be able to find anything comparable again in my life; maybe this is true, and if so, that's okay. What we created at Tapestry was beautiful, and unique, but at least I know I am capable of be loved and trusted, and doing the same in return. For this, I am thankful. I want to take all of the love and support I received from others at Tapestry, and mold it into a unique shape, one that's my own, and use that mold to fill the void I once believed only others could satisfy.

Loss

Today I moved my furniture out of what was my dorm room from last fall. I was taken down memory road and but I know that my decision to leave college and enter Tapestry was the right one for me. However I can’t help but to be pissed at the situation. I should be graduating on Sunday…but alas I am not. I am struggling to not stuff my feelings of anger, sadness, loss, etc. On a positive note I am not turning to food, but I still do not want to deal with the problem at hand.

There are special people that are in your life that you are just not sure what you would do if they are no longer in your life. It sometimes just doesn’t make sense to me that important relationships for some unknown reason come to an end. For me it is distance that is causing this division. So there are no hard feelings or resentment, just sadness and a sense of loss. I miss these people. I miss the laughter, the quiet understanding, the hold of a hand, the assurance that everything will eventually work out, the feeling of belonging, and most of all the feeling of being important to someone. Most of my friends are graduating from college and will be moving to all corners of the world. That’s right; my friends can’t even seem to stay within the U.S. Since entering treatment at Tapestry we have done a pretty good job of keeping in touch and we have visited often. I know that this will change as their lives begin post college. I also know that this is a natural course of life and that transition is constant, but I just don’t know how to find stability and I am not doing a good job at finding new friends to build relationships with. Honestly I am not even trying because I know that they will have to come to an end in the fall, or at least there will once again be distance. However, I know that for me relationships are vital to my recovery because my soul thrives off of them (at least the healthy ones.)

It was nice to spend time with my friends today, and now that I am healthier I am able to be a better friend and to have better relationships. I am grateful for that.

Shalom!

Here is a link to my personal blog:

http://theva-j-jmonoblog.blogspot.com/

Lisa Sings For Graduation

For those of you who know and love Lisa S, she gave me permission to upload this video of her singing "Come to Me- Peace" for her graduation. Very touching and inspirational. Lisa, you're my hero! Used by permission.

May's Theme: I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN

Another great alumni support group! Today we discussed dealing with lapses such as, how to be compassionate with ourselves about them. If we can pay attention to ourselves we will be able to be in touch with what we are feeling, needing, wanting (rather than staying numb.)If we can be in a non-judgmental place, we can learn from the lapse. Staying in touch with our inner selves, we can act in alignment with our authentic self because we know what we want, feel, and need rather than people pleasing. Finally, we discussed receiving support, and how that shifts before and during the recovery process.

Let the video below be an inspiration to get back up from the big or small lapses!

Next Alumni Support Group: Sunday, June 1st, 4:00pm- 5:30pm.