I really need to put my thoughts on paper and send them out into the world. I am beginning to feel the shame of ED weighing me down, and I it is beginning to prevent me from engaging socially. Since I was at Tapestry for so long I just thought I had gotten over the whole embarrassment about having an ED, but this is not the case. I still haven't been able to tell my roommates about the disorder or my time in treatment. They will just think that I am crazy. I miss being able to be so open about how I feel, what is going on with me, and most importantly not having this secret. I feel so dishonest, yet too embarrassed to share. Its not like I want to walk around with a tshirt on that says "p.s. I have an eating disorder!" I do realize that only certain people in my life need to know, but having the people that I live with know would be beneficial to my recovery. And the fact that I am shying away from connections with others just proves to me that this is not healthy.
Let me know if you have any comments.
TO POST TO THE BLOG:
Sign in on the upper right hand corner of this screen.
Tapestry Alumni Support Group
Sundays, 4:00 - 5:00pm
Facilitated by:
Tammy Maxey
Online Support Groups:
Local Support Groups:
* THE Center Support Group
Wed 7-8pm ~ Asheville
Sign in on the upper right hand corner of this screen.
Tapestry Alumni Support Group
Sundays, 4:00 - 5:00pm
Facilitated by:
Tammy Maxey
Online Support Groups:
Local Support Groups:
* THE Center Support Group
Wed 7-8pm ~ Asheville
Blogs by People Connected with Tapestry: Posted By Permission
Labels
- alumni support group
- ANAD
- body image
- change
- coping with lapses
- EDA
- forgiveness
- guidelines
- hope
- identity
- loss
- mindfulness
- motivation
- online support groups
- overcoming obstacles
- poetry
- potpourri
- purpose of ED
- recovery inspiration
- recovery resources
- self-love
- support opportunity
- the big picture
- transition
- who to tell
- women who inspire
4 comments:
Girl...you have no idea how much I can relate to this. I officially resigned from being Vice President of Student Government Association because I knew it was not beneficial for my recovery. However...it came to a certain point, where hiding my authenticity and true Self became more painful than the 'embarrassment' of admitting out loud to others who have not had similar experiences, that in fact, I had struggled with an EATING DISORDER. Oh no! An eating disorder!?! We had no idea. Well...it's the truth, it's who I am, it has made me the strong woman I am today. If someone so close as your roommates cannot hear, accept, and value your honesty, then that is a very, very, sad thing for them. NOT you. You are beautiful and remarkable all in your own standings, a secret such as a past struggle doesn't take an ounce of that away, nor make you an ounce less strong. You have the strength, the tools, you have everything necessary...if anything, you are only underestimating your self-worth. If it will help in your recovery process, which it seems clear to you it will, TELL THEM. Just say loud and clear to those you feel the desire.
I say this with incredible love and compassion, and as a peer from a small, small, college, in which we are both active in. I love you and believe in you. You have what it takes to believe in yourself, I know you do. Search within to find that strength, and then make it clear to world, there is no shame in you "secret."
I love you.
Sarah,
I cannot thank you enough for your encouraging words...they are exactly what I needed to hear. I talked to my group this evening about all of this and it just made me more anxious. Your right...this is who I am, my authentic self.
If they can't accept it well they aren't worth it. Now just figuring out how to get those words out of my mouth, "I have an eating disorder."
I am glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself. I know that it was tough to step down, but know that in the long run your recovery and life are more important.
I miss you more than you know. Especially our long talks, they always make me see things clearer.
Robynn
Robynn - I struggled with whether or not to tell my friends before I went to Tapestry and decided that there were a few that I wanted to know in order for me to not have to feel dishonest - and actually in order to not have to lie. Tapestry is now part of your experiences and as such sharing it with your peers is sharing yourself. If your friends are worth anything, they will want to know just how you got to be such a wonderful person. Just as you want to know where they come from. It's fascinating when you think about all the things that make up a person - all the experiences and genetics ... Who knows - maybe you will enable one of them to share a secret they have been afraid to share as well.
if it helps any, i think we *all* have struggled with the shame of it all and the anxiety that comes with sharing this *secret* with anybody. however, i have yet to have *anybody* react negatively, even those i was most afraid to tell. everybody was extremely supportive and understanding. of course, many had no clue as to what i was actually going through, but it didn't matter. they were there for me and that's what i needed to ease my struggling. just do it! you'll be amazed at how much freer you feel to relieve yourself of the burden of holding onto this secret.
Post a Comment